Ending the War Inside

Inner Self Awareness - for Men and Women

1. Grow your grown-up self

The most important part of all in this work is your grown-up, self-aware self.

This is a part of you that separates awareness of ‘you’ as you are today from the ‘us’ who is your inner child and As your self-awareness grows it can quickly identify when your inner matriarch or inner patriarch is active, and observe the harm that is doing.

Two initial roles for the grown-up self empowered selves include:

* Making sure that your inner child is in a safe place protected from the inner patriarch and inner matriarch. (See pages on the Inner child’s safe place - link to come )

* Inducting a powerful and magic inner mother and inner father to look after your inner child and defend them from any attempt by either patron of the matriarch to hurt the child. (Separate pages on the inner parent induction process )

2. The power of saying “I’m onto you!”

There is an important phrase that your grown-up part can say each time either an inner patriarch or an inner matriarch are busy doing what they do inside you. Learn to use that phrase regularly as the first line of defence because each time you use it you reduce the power of that particular inner patriarch or inner matriarch.

The phrase is “I am on to you!” You’re telling these two (who have been operating undercover for so long) that they have now been clearly identified. And the more that you can see them at work the less their ability to function. Each time you say this they lose more and more of their power in you.

3. Bring in a peace-keeping team.

Organise an inner team of specially appointed selves to act as peace-keepers. If it helps to visualise them wearing blue berets and driving blue painted peace-keeper vehicles, add this to your picture. Whenever an inner matriarch or inner patriarch start fighting inside you imagine the peacekeeping team coming in and stopping the fighting. They too can use the magic words “We’re onto you!”

4. Explaining how things have changed and that today your Inner Matriarch and or your Inner Patriarch are now in the wrong person at the wrong time.

If you can, arrange for an experienced Matriarch facilitator or Patriarch Facilitator to dialogue with your inner matriarch and the inner patriarch separately. - I’ll explain more about this on a separate page. An experienced facilitator who works regularly with inner matriarchs and inner patriarchs will explain things to each character in turn. She or he will explain how the whole position has changed now that they have been identified and that their roles as trouble makers are under constant observation by the grown-up part and the peace-keeping team. The facilitator will also explain to either the patriarch or the matriarch why they really no longer have much chance of success in the future. Things have changed, permanently. From now on they can expect to lose more battles within you than they win.

5. Respecting and Honouring their loyalty to their own ‘side’

As with all inner self dialogue it’s important that the facilitator when talking with these two characters maintains a respect for their role as inner selves with a 50,000 year tradition of doing what they have been doing. They are not “bad” selves, it is just that they have wound up today in the wrong person at the wrong time.The facilitator who takes a negative attitude that the Matriarch or Patriarch are just plain bad or wrong, will have little if any success in persuading the matriarch or the patriarch to retire.

The primary task of the facilitator is to gain their understanding and cooperation in choosing to leave the battleground peacefully. Acknowledge that their loyalty has understandably always been to their own side, not to the person they have been living inside. The Inner Matriarch has always been loyal to the Matriarch team while the Inner Matriarch has been just as fiercely loyal to the Patriarch team.

Treat each one like a professional soldier who has just been told that there are no more wars to fight. During these processes I often acknowledge for example, how “successful” the inner patriarch has been in defending the inner village from the inner matriarch, and vice versa but then conclude by emphasising that since this kind of fighting is no longer possible the time for retirement is at hand.

6. Join other people walking the same path. Don’t work alone

When it comes to dealing with any kind of inner issue including my own battles with my Inner Matriarch I acknowledge with the deepest gratitude the understandings I have gained from my membership of an active Twelve Step group CODA. (Co-dependents Anonymous)

All addictive behaviour is repetitive and self-defeating. If your struggles with your Inner Patriarch or Inner Matriarch are repetitive that means that many of your patterns will be similar to what is called an addictive trance. Many of the most effective ways of reducing the power of an inner matriarch (particularly points 1 to 4 above) are similar to the first steps for reducing addictive behaviour as developed by Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve Step groups. They work!

Unawareness is one of the main reasons people stay stuck in self defeating behaviour patterns and addictions. Self-awareness including “naming” is part of the the tool kit which empowers you to overcome these. Belonging to any group of people who are walking the same self awareness path as you are, is part of the power of any program, far better than trying to do it alone. Being part of a group of people each working to overcome the negative influence of their Inner matriarch or Inner patriarch provides a a powerful boost to self awareness.

7. Find a mentor, someone who knows about Inner matriarchs or patriarchs or better still someone who has has worked their way through their grasp and is now out of it. When you feel you are under attack or about to slip back under their toxic influence again talk to your mentor. Talking to them about what is happening inside you will help to keep you from slipping back. If there is no one available to act as your mentor see the next point. Remember you don’t need to be face to face with your mentor. Use the phone.

8. Form your own support group. Members are not hard to find. Two, three or four people who are each struggling with their own inner matriarchs or patriarchs . Each member can act as mentors for each other. Here is the secret. The more people who know you and know about your inner matriarch or patriarch (or any addiction trance for that matter) and who regularly talk with you about it, the less power it has over you. In a group each one helps the other in this way. Everybody wins. It is best if you meet in person but not essential. Use the phone.

9. Persuading the patriarch and matriarch to return to their homeland.

Continuing the same theme of acknowledging respect of them having fought the battles they believe has been their only role, I acknowledge that this is the way they are and nothing will change it. But I also suggest that on returning to their homeland the patriarch for example, will be welcomed as a hero and will be awarded a medal by all the other retired inner patriarchs for “long and meritorious service above and beyond the call of duty”. Much the same goes for the retiring Inner matriarch who will be honoured in her homeland by all the other old matriarchs and who can expect to receive an appropriate bracelet, ring or some other symbol as recognition of how well she served her team working under cover to disempower the enemy .

10. Developing your own inner Peace-keeping team

Call all those inner selves who are particularly adept at identifying and dealing with patriarchal and matriarchal energies. These include the inner father and inner mother, and other powerful selves for example the Inner Goddess and other spiritually energised selves.

To help you identify which ones are at work inside you see Their secrets and The things they do