Things they do

Inner Self Awareness - for Men and Women

Here is a list of some of the things the Inner Matriarchs and Inner patriarchs do to reduce the levels of friendship, trust, close connections and happiness between men and women.

1. They both prefer men and women to use impersonal rather than personal ways to connect.

A good way to identify these two styles is to remember that:

Impersonal is “more protected but less connected” and the Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch like it that way.

Personal is “more connected but less protected ”The Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch don’t like this but if it happens they have a neat way of sabotaging the personal connection before it goes to far.

Personal communication by its very nature means that each person is more vulnerable (because they are feeling more connected but less protected) more easily hurt if things go wrong. The Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch quickly step into make sure this happens.

Click here for more information on Personal and Impersonal communication.

2. They just don’t care about helping you or your Inner Child. They almost seem to gloat about your vulnerability

Sooner or later during a dialogue with an Inner Matriarch or an Inner Patriarch the topic of your Inner Child and his or her vulnerability will come up. That’s when these two seem unable to hide their true feelings as they openly express a lack of concern (even scorn) towards your vulnerable inner child.

Sometimes they even suggest that the world would be a better place without the child being here at all.

This is the characteristic that distinguishes and separates the Inner Matriarch and Inner Patriarch from all other inner selves. Even the Inner Critic, harsh as she or he may be, still expresses a desire to see us improving or doing things in a better way next time.

3. Their loyalty lies with people outside of you

These two the Inner Matriarch and Inner Patriarch seem more like refugees from another place whose loyalty remains with their old traditional home. The Inner Matriarch in a male weakens that man by telling him things that make him seem weaker and make women around him seem more powerful.

Example; “You are never going to amount to anything.” “You are not a real man and never will be” “You are a failure as a lover / husband / father and you always will be”

Her loyalty is clearly with women.

The Inner Patriarch in a woman (as Sidra Stone explains in”The Shadow King”) weakens her by telling her things that make the men women around her seem more powerful.

Example; “No man will ever love a strong woman.” “Let the man win.” “You are a failure as a mother / wife/ lover unless you can please your man” “If you don’t please a man the way a woman is meant to he will leave you.” “ If you are alone without a man in your life you are not a real woman”

It is obvious that his first loyalty is to men and men’s interests.

Behind this loyalty to male interests lies the hidden fear of every Inner Patriarchs of the power of the Inner Goddess.

4. They work under cover or in disguise. For example if you are a woman, quite often an Inner Patriarch will pretend to be your Inner Critic. The difference is that if your are a woman your Inner critic will have female energy and identify herself as a female. The Inner patriarch will never do this, even at the risk of exposing himself as the self he really is.